The 10 Most Retarded Conservatives

published September 20, 2009

It's quite obvious that most conservatives are oblivious to intelligent debate. In fact, they are so engrained in their god, their whiteness, their wealth, that they will do anything to prevent a positive progression in the country. The worst part is they have backing from the richest corporations who produce loud voices to propagate their retarded beliefs. With only a little bit of research and fact, it's quite easy to see right through them and their retarded beliefs. Here are the 10 of the worst of these conservative voices that we have to suffer through.

#10 - Bill Kristol - BIll Kristol is probably one of the most intelligent conservatives out there (which says a lot about conservatives). He's been an outspoken supporter of the Iraq war and Sarah Palin. It's common knowledge that anyone who supports Sarah Palin is mentally handicapped. A great moment in Bill Kristol's career was when Jon Stewart owned him. He got Bill Kristol to admit that the government provides first class health care, despite his opposition to government run health care. Check it out here.

#9 - Ann Coulter - I will give Ann Coulter credit for one thing. She hates some conservatives as much as liberals. For example, she hated John McCain and publically stated that she would vote for Hillary Clinton over McCain. That being said, she is a complete retard. Prime example, she hates the widows of 9/11 victims and claims that they love the fact that their husbands died. You have got to be kidding me.

#8 - Bill O'Reilly - Billo was once the staunchest conservatives who claimed to be "non biased." As the years have gone by though, he has proven to be relatively moderate compared to some of these other jackasses. It's undeniable how many times he's tweaked facts and/or gotten them completely wrong. He's a classic example of 'say it loud,' and the model of which the genius Stephen Colbert modeled his on air persona after. Check out this clip for a classic BIll O'Reilly moment of fuzzy math.

#7 - Michele Bachmann - I honestly believe that this woman has a serious mental deficency. She called for a deep penetrating expose to see who is un-American. She also thinks it's a coincidence that the last swine flu outbreak occurred under a different democratic president. Well she got that wrong as it happened under Gerald Ford's ever watchful eye. Seriously, if a liberal blamed AIDS on Reagan they would be considered retarded. If a conservative blames swine flu on democratic president, then they should be considered retarded as well. She also manages to do all this with a shit eating grin on her face.

#6 - Dick Cheney - 8 years as a vice president under the most corrupt and secretive administration that led us into 2 wars, an economic collapse, failure in Hurricane Katrina, torture, and much much more has suddenly decided to voice his opinion since Barack Obama took office. How does Dick Cheney have a single shred of credibility? How many more Bush appointees have to come out with a tell-all book about the corruption of the regime? There's been 3 to my best count. Someday his final heart attack will come and Christopher Hitchens will piss on his grave.

#5 - Michelle Malkin - The Conservatives need their token black guy (Michael Steele), token brown guy (Bobby Jindel), and token asian (Malkin). She has accused Obama of being a "racial opportunist," a title more fitted for Malkin herself. For example, a republican that's not white?!?! Make her famous! Her crowning moment came when Rachel Ray appeared on a Dunkin Donut ad with a scarf, and Malkin proclaimed that the scarf was a Palestinean scarf and called for a boycott of Rachel Ray and Dunkin Donuts. How retarded can you get?

#4 - Sarah Palin - I know what you're thinking. Sarah Palin only #4?!? I don't know where to start when it comes to the retardation of this 'resigned' governor of Alaska. She wants creationism taught in schools, she can see Russia from her house (foreign policy experience), she doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is, she doesn't read newspapers, she fired people for personal reasons, she supported the 'bridge to nowhere', she doesn't know what a vice president does, she mocks science, and she had a kid after 40 expecting it to not be retarded. That's the ultra short version. I'd like to focus on the last bit. Seriously, having a child after the age of 40 is a one way ticket to Down Syndrome. Of course, Palin not believing in scientific fact could be part of it.

#3 - Sean Hannity - Sean Hannity is the living embodiment of contradiction. He reviled the protestors of a false war, yet wishes the blessing of the almighty god to the tea-party protestors. He is your classic scared white guy who loves America when the Republicans are in control, and hates it when Democrats are in control. To prove how retarded Hannity is, just check out his "Tree of Liberty."

#2 - Rush Limbaugh - When Limbaugh used false facts to loudly proclaim "Stay away from our penis's," it became a perfect representation of his fear. Every minority in America, every liberal, every strong woman, and every non-christian makes Rush Limbaugh's penis shrivel up just a little bit more. There isn't a more outspoken racist in media today, and I do not use that term lightly. The best part is his claim of his pursuit of truth. Oh, and he -loves- Sarah Palin.

#1 - Glenn Beck - It was only a matter of time before Fox News produced a show to cater to retards (the right base). Glenn Beck is bad for America, and he's bad for the world. His followers paint a picture of the extreme American retard - the elder wealthy white American that fears black people and gay people and needs guns to protect himself from them, and protests it all the time because he has nothing better to do with his time. Glenn Beck is the epitomy of the right base and mental retardation. He's also a god damn crybaby wuss. I thought Republicans hated crybaby wusses, but I guess they embrace it now. It only makes things worse that he got away with the rape and murder of a young girl in 1990.

If you are a member of the media and wish to question my beliefs, I urge you to me. I guarantee I will give you ratings by telling you how much you suck.

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