Best Diseases (to name your daughter)

published June 8, 2009

Disease has been with humans... well since the beginning of humans. Most have names that invoke fear and panic in us. Ebola. AIDS. The Bubonic Plague. Influenza. However there are many that sound quite pretty. Pretty enough to use to name your daughter! Here are 8 diseases that you can (and should) name your daughter as!

Only the Archnemesis can combine the beauty of babies and the ugliness of diseases.

8. Chlamydia - Also known as "The Clap", is one of the more common STDs that affects over 1,000,000 people per year. And no wonder it affects so many people, it sounds more like an adorable daughter than a disease that burns when you pee. Chlamydia (both the disease and the daughter) can be prevented with condom use.

Artist rendering of the Chlamydia Bacteria

7. Dementia - Dementia is a condition that deteriorates brain function in the elderly. However if you and your spouse are mutants, it would be wise to name your daughter "Dementia," because she will likely develop the mutant ability of brain melting. Why there isn't a villain named Dementia in comics yet is surprising, though there is a "Hypnotia," and a "Vertigo."

Pictured above, Hypnotia and Vertigo. It's a safe bet that Dementia would look similar to these two.

6. Anemia - This name for your daughter could work, because it is easily shortened to "Annie," or "Ann" if you want to avoid her being confused with Anakin Skywalker. Anemia is a wonderful operatic sounding name. Imagine your daughter as an opera star in "Aida," "Carmen," "Rigoletto," and even in an opera named after her - "Anemia, A Daughter's Journey"

Pictured above: the horrific effects of Chronic Vaginitis, a disease we do not recommend you name your daughter.

5. Palsy - Cerebral Palsy is no laughing matter, but if you name your daughter "Palsy", at least it can be a loving matter. Cerebral Palsy is accompanied by mental retardation and seizures, whereas a daughter named "Palsy" only comes with a placenta, and years of loving parenthood.

Naming your daughter properly is an important key to the happiness of your daughter's childhood happiness, according to Pen... WHAT THE HELL?

4. Rubella - Also known as "German Measles," Rubella isn't a very serious disease unless it occurs in early pregnancy. It is, however a wonderful name for your daughter. You can even shorten it to 2 wondrous names, "Ruby" and "Bella."

Here is a German Sausage with German Measles.

3. Rosacea - Pronounced "roz-AY-sha," this is condition that produces excess 'blushing' or redness, and is relatively unserious. What is serious, is how awesome of a name for your daughter "Rosacea" is. Also for the skeptics out there, she can be called "Rose."

Your daughter can 'blossom' into a beautiful woman, like Rose from Golden Girls.

2. Roseola - As if Rosacea wasn't pretty enough of a name for your daughter! Roseola is a combination of two of the most beautiful things that nature has to offer - roses and areolas (nipples). Similar to naming of children, this disease usually occurs only before the age of 4.

Three Roseolas

1. Addison - This name is in similar vein with Dakota, Montana, and those other states that white people like to name their daughters. While Addison isn't a U.S. state, it is a city in Texas, and that's big enough to count. Addison's disease is a rare disease that occurs when you do not produce enough steroid hormones, a disease that seems to affect professional baseball players more than anyone else.

Three diseases in one name! I'll give you one guess as to what she does for a living.

Bonus son names: Lou Gehrig, Parkinson, Leukemia (Lou Kemia), Typhus, Hashimoto, Hodgkin, Lupus.

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