Actors Gone Retard for an Oscar
published March 8, 2009
Well it's Oscar night, and it's a complete crock of shit. The bullshit speeches and self-congratulatory nature of these awards that are always given to the wrong actor or movie are simply painful to watch. Then we have the army of fashionistas going over what the heck people were wearing. Well, last July I showcased beautiful women gone ugly for an Oscar. Here we have actors gone retard for an Oscar.
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Billy Bob Thornton - Sling Blade - Yep mmhmm. This movie really put BIlly Bob on the map. After comedies like Bad News Bears, Mr. Woodcock, and Bad Santa where he plays men of ill repute, it becomes very difficult to take this movie seriously. Also remember that Billy Bob had Angelina before her labias were stretched to her knees.
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Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump - I actually enjoyed this movie, and it marked the movie when Tom Hanks made the transition from comedy to serious bidness. That's right, serious bidness. This movie showed us that even dumb people know what love is.
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Cliff Robertson - Charly - You youngins would know this guy better as Uncle Ben from the Spiderman movies. Before he was overacting in Spiderman though, he went retard in the widely critically acclaimed "Charly," based on the book Flowers for Algernon (a book I was forced to read in high school). Cliff of course won an Oscar in 1968 for his portrayal of the title-tard.
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Jodie Foster - Nell - Jodie Foster won damn near every best actress award there was, including the ultra prestigious MTV movie award when she played a retard in the 1994 flick "Nell." Her famous line "Andele andele mama E.I. E.I UH OOOHHHHH" was sang by college kids across the nation. Or was that by a different retard with a similar name?
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Leonardo DiCaprio - What's Eating Gilbert Grape - Unfortunately I deem this movie unwatchable. Too many elements of hatred for me to go near this movie, but I sure remember Leo going damn near full retard in this flick. He won an Oscar for a supporting role, naturally.
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Dustin Hoffman - Rainman - If there's one thing that people should agree with, it's that these movies featuring mentally handicapped sure empower them more than Sarah Palin. Hell, I even feel guilt calling the roles played by these actors as 'retards.' Far more guilt than calling Sarah Palin a retard, that's for sure.
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Sean Penn - I Am Sam - Not gonna lie, this list is heavily influenced by Robert Downey Jr's role in Tropic Thunder (scroll to bottom for video). As he aptly mentioned, Sean Penn did not win the Oscar because he went full retard. Never go full retard. However, he was still nominated in a year where Denzel won for Training Day. This goes down in history as one of the few times the Academy got it right.
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Will Smith - Flowers for Algernon? - The Film "Charly" mentioned earlier is being remade, and Will Smith has been rumored star as the title role. He's tried everything. He's gone ugly, he's done a biopic, but he hasn't gone retard... yet. After a couple nominations, will going retard finally get him the Oscar he's been craving?
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Just as a bonus, here's Robert Downey Jr. in one of the best scenes from Tropic Thunder.
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