My Strange Pet Peeves

published November 17, 2009

Let's face it, there's a billion stupid pet peeves out there. Not terribly many are justified, including some of mine. See if you agree with any of my strange pet peeves.

 

People Struggling in Water in Movies - This has more to do with people on ships or submarines rather than actual drowning. I have no idea why, but I just can't stand to see movies where people just struggle in water for half of it.

Just off camera to the left: Cytherea orgasming. (you pervert)

 

"Y'know" in Interviews - It seems like 'y'know' has replaced umm or uhh as filler in any sports interview. Pay attention to every sports interview, especially if it's a white guy, and see how many times he says "Y'know." Also, some say "know what I'm sayin" or some variety like "nam sayin." Just check out this video of Jay Cutler saying "You Know" 57 times.

On a side note, Jay Cutler is really dumb.

 

The Open Mouth Fast Gum Chewer - For females, this is a telltale sign that you are a ditz with an oral fixation. For males, it's proof that you are indeed a douchebag. Most likely, the pale gangsta variety, or possibly the frat boy with a bright necklace variety. Either way, you're a douchebag.

A picture of a male open mouth fast gum chewer.

 

Extremely Picky Eaters - This goes mostly to the damn vegans and some vegetarians. I've had the unfortunate experience of eating out with them, and the worst is when they start asking for ingredients in stuff to make sure there are no animal byproducts in it. It's embarassing and annoying. And they expect a waitress to really know all the ingrediants to everything on the menu? You're a waste of everyone's time, including the people you're eating with.

Mmm, vegan food, at least if a buffalo didn't piss there.

 

Interviews with People out of Breath - After a race, or halftime in a basketball game, the player can barely breathe. Yet, the interviewers insist on interviewing them the second they're done. The response is mostly heavy breathing with a couple words in between. The words are usually just formulaic sports answer cliches too.

Almost as bad - Craig Sager's jacket collection.

 

Every Other Driver - Everyone else is the shittiest driver ever but everyone thinks they are the best driver on the road. Why is it that everything pisses me off when driving? Tailgaters, people going too slow, slow response to green lights, lack of turn signals, cutting off, aggressive drivers, passive drivers, high beams, every single motorcyclist, people not turning right on red lights; this is just a tiny fraction of the stuff that pisses me off, and probably pisses you off too. Hurry up and invent teleportation, science.

How?

 

An Extended "I'd Like to Thank God" To Open Up an Interview or Award Speech - I honestly don't mind the quick "thank you God," but when they go on beyond that, it quickly gets on my nerves and makes me look upon you with disdain knowing how ignorant you are in the ways of the world and science. For example over the weekend, the NFL post game show was interviewing some running back and asked him if he expected this performance. His answer - "Well first off I'd like to thank God Almighty, the lord and savior for showing me mercy and for giving me this opportunity. He is my guiding light and without Him I wouldn't be here." He didn't answer the question. Thank god in your own fucking time, don't be rude to the interviewers and everyone else in America watching by thinking God was making you run 50 extra yards in a game rather than doing something more important. On a related note, I'm also annoyed by baseball players pointing to the sky, as I've written about before.

"We talkin' bout practice. Practice!"

 

People in Line WIth Huge Backpacks That Keep Unknowingly Bumping You - I've only experienced this once, and it was the only time I swore at a stranger in my life*. I was in front of him in line at the airport, and this jackass with an enormous backpack kept creeping close to me and then turning around to talk to presumably his wife. I must've been bumped nearly 20 times before telling him "stop bumping me with your fucking backpack." He said sorry and the bumping stopped, and I felt a little bad. But I also felt a little good.

*false

It's like he's carrying his clone in there.

 

Christmas Jingles in Commercials Where They Change the Words To Sell Their Product - Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, Tis The Season and all those christmas carols are annoying enough. When you change the words to sell your shit, it becomes pure torture. So torturous, that I've sworn off live TV until Christmas. Best Buy is the absolute worst instigator of this travesty, with these piece of shit carolers singing Christmas tunes but replacing "Jingle bells, jingle bells" with "High Def TV, High Def TV." I'll be viewing only DVR's or ninjavideo.net or hulu from now on.

An ad for Sears, but more iconic of the holiday money grubbing of our capitalistic society.

 

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