7 Ridiculously Dumb Products

published August 15, 2009

People will sell anything to make a buck. There are some seriously dumb products available on the market that even dumber people buy. Here are 7 of these ridiculous products that I see ads for every day.

They even changed the color to pink. If it works for newborns, it'll work for grown adults too, right?

 

Extenze For Women - I see these fraudulent Extenze commercials all the time. They are the scumiest, trashiest, and creepiest commercials out there, preying on the insecurities of men. Now they've taken it a step further by announcing "Extenze for Women." What. The. Hell. Is it supposed to increase the size and performance of a woman's clitoris? Their supposed "real science" has now produced a pill that does absolutely nothing. The same creepy middle aged men are back trying to market this. I have more faith in the American woman than the creepy douchebags trying to make money off it. Women of America - do not ever buy Extenze, and do not let Sarah Palin insult your intelligence.

With prices like these, how can you NOT afford to get a pill that does nothing!

 

Bumpits - There are many things a woman can do to make herself less appealing. Botox, bright red lipstick, crocs, and now, Bumpits. Do you want to achieve the outdated look of the 60's? This is for you! Do you want your head shaped like an elongated alien head? This is for you! As if women didn't have enough frivolous cosmetics to worry about, they try to market this thing by saying normal hair is a nightmare. So unless you're going to be Barbarella for Halloween, do not purchase this ridiculous product.

This is from the "Gallery" section of their website. Notice how they use the same people over and over and scatter them and change angles to give the illusion of 18 unique girls using Bumpits.

 

Slap Chop - I enjoy VInce and the Slap Chop commercials. When you think about it though, it's a completely retarded product. The funnest part of cooking is chopping stuff up with a knife. The Slap Chop is also tiny. You cannot even fit a below average sized tomato in there. Chopping veggies with a knife is not difficult. To make matters worse, Vince recently beat the crap out of a prostitute. If you buy Slap Chop, you support a woman beater.

The prostitute apparently did not "love his nuts."

 

Body Spray for Men (Axe, Tag, Bod) - I may not be the classiest gentleman in the world, but even I know that these body sprays aimed at the college male are vile, odorous, cheap smelling products that hinder your chance at getting poontang. They are marketed in such a manner that if you spray this on, apparently the women will come from all corners and ravage you like pigeons on breadcrumbs. In actuality, these body sprays smell horrible and cheap. The smell of your body after 4 days of no bathing is a better smell. If you want to increase the chances of poontang, go for a classy cologne. If you want to attract women with daddy issues, wear Old Spice.

Brilliant photoshop skills to show you that Axe, Bod and Tag smell like bug spray.

 

Life Alert - Let's see, who else can we exploit.... how about senior citizens! Let's play on their fear of dying and offer a service for $50 bucks a month and claim that we save lives. What you get is a necklace where you can press a button in case you fall and can't get up. Life-Alert saves you! Wait a second, for 50 bucks a month, you might as well go for another technological innovation. Perhaps you've heard of it - it's called a "Cellular Phone." It's a phone that you can carry, and it doesn't have any cords! The best part, if you happen to die while on Life Alert, you're still under contract and they still get their $50 per month.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!" (click pic)

 

Perfect Pancake - Seriously? A product that makes one pancake at a time, without the extremely difficult action of flipping a pancake? Instead of flipping the pancake, this thing makes you flip the entire friggin pan. How is that easier or less effort? The best part is, this product doesn't even work right. After reading numerous reviews, I've found out that the batter leaks out, the pancakes take forever to cook, and the 'non-stick' surface is very sticky. Your perfect pancake turns into a mound of cooked batter. If you know someone who has this thing, it's time for intervention. A couple slaps and a bucket of water to their face should suffice.

You can now make up to 4 pancakes in only 2 hours!

 

Just for Men, A Touch of Grey - I've mentioned my hatred of this product before. The commercials are still going strong, and it still raises my blood pressure everytime I see it. If you are insecure about having too much or too little gray in your hair, then your wife has already left you or is cheating on you. The marketing angle is that you want to show both energy and experience by carefully grooming yourself to look like Reed Richards. The truth is, if you use A Touch of Gray, you will only show insecurity and stupidity.

I think we're going to need....... more ties! Yes!

 

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