5 More Bad Ad Campaigns
published July 27, 2009
A month ago we pointed out some horrible ad campaigns, and some alternatives to them. Well, businesses continue to shell out top dollar for prime advertising slots. Who is it responsible for coming up with some of the junk? Is it really that difficult to produce an ad that successfully does the job and doesn't piss off all of America? Until this ridiculous commercial situation gets fixed, the Hulu's, the Fancast's, the Crackle's will continue to grow and make TV irrelevant. These are the 5 ad campaigns that currently piss me off the most.
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"Hey kids, come to six flags, remember to dress sexy, err warmly!"
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Bing: You've seen these commercials. Someone says something and then complete gibberish is produced out of the mouths of many different people. It's simple noise pollution, and you can tell they are trying hard to produce a funny commercial. Not only this, but they purchased the most coveted time slots and the commercials are long. What are they trying to convey? That Bing turns people into annoying and stupid gibberish spouting drones? Or that they are the solution for this non-existent illness? One would think a multi-billion dollar company like Microsoft could come up with a decent ad campaign. Unfortunately all they are capable of is this inane, revolting drivel that forces a channel change or the good ole mute button. Seriously Microsoft, I've had explosive diarrhea most pleasant than this ad campaign.
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Mmm... please go back to this ad campaign.
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Alternative to Bing - Google: Google has repeatedly gotten the #1 best employer to work for. And it shows, they keep banging out the hits. Google Search, Google maps, Google Trends, Google Ads, Google Chrome and soon the new Google Operating System. All have been revolutionary and the new Google OS will blow this garbage called Windows we've been dealing with for decades out of the water. If Google is planning to take over the world, I'd gladly let them. Surely being able to do you laundry during slave labor is preferable than 1 more Bing commercial.
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It's good that church's feel threatened by Google. Check out "Is Google God?"
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Domino's Pizza - I think Domino's has got to have the most idiotic advertising departments of any companies. They have 2 simultaneous campaigns that are absolutely pathetic attempts at amusement. First off we have the Domino's pasta bowls. The commercials involve 2 bowls talking to each other and watching the horror of a human eating a pasta 'bowl.' It took a few times to realize that these 'bowls' were talking to each other, and when the realization occurred that this is actually how Domino's was trying to sell their pasta bowls, I . And this is the better of the two ad campaigns Domino's has going. They have these "Pizza Legends" pizza's that are based on various regions in the country, and this causes a rivalry between regions causing pathetic smack talking. Here is an actual transcript of what is said in these commercials.
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Who the hell wrote these commercials? Sounds like 8th graders just starting puberty. And if this commercial wasn't bad enough, there's if you can stomach it.
Stupid ideas from a stupid advertising department that's been producing stupid commercials with even stupider dialogue. Well, at least the crappy commercials are an accurate representation of their crappy pizzas.
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Seriously Domino's... 5th graders would come up with better ideas.
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Alternative to Domino's - Papa John's - I normally would recommend Pizza Hut, but they have a series or terrible commercials running as well (4 college douchebags with a 'hidden' camera feasting for 5 bucks, with the winning line "small price"). Papa John's actually has a decent pizza and their commercials are not annoying. I honestly have not had a Domino's pizza in 6 years, because I remember them to be the worst pizza I've ever had. Not to mention all the the youtube videos showing employee's tampering with the food. Yum Domino's!
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Screenshot of a Domino's employee sneezing on food.
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McDonald's - Yes I mentioned them last time, but they've since come out with a new commercial. They won't stop promoting this disgusting McCafe thing. The commercial in question is the biker guy that rolls up to family man in a minivan. Just watch it and contain your rage.
"That's uh, minivan-ay to you."
Minivan-ay. Minivan. Minivan-ay. What the... Is the advertising department filled with down syndrome gibbons? I'm sorry, that's an insult to gibbons with down syndrome. This commercial is solely responsible for lowering the collective IQ of America by 3 points on average, that's how stupid this concept is. Unfortunately, McDonald's thinks that this ad campaign is living up to expectations, as coffee is responsible for 5% of McDonald's sales. What they don't know is that it's not the stupid commercials that make people buy this, it's the people at the drive through that say "Would you like to try the new McCafe?" before anything else. The ignorant say "...uh, sure.." only to realize they paid $3 for coffee that tastes like Bigfoot's taint sweat.
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That's uh, anus burger-ay to you.
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Alternative to McDonald's - Starbucks - My main reason to take Starbuck's over McDonald's is that Starbuck's doesn't litter the airwaves with brain cell killing commercials. But really, just brew a coffee at work or at home.
Coors Light Cold Activated Can - I was once a proponent of Coors over Budweiser. That was until Coors decided to come up with this gem of an idea. When the can is cold, the mountains turn blue! Apparently, they are going for the hand burn victim demographic; people that have no nerve endings on their hands. Seriously, just go back to people in bikinis partying in the snow. A cold activated can or bottle is simply an insult to the consumers of the world, not to mention the concept is so idiotic than even idiots find it retarded.
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Rejoice hand burn victims!
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Alternative to Coor Light - Keystone Light - Yep that's right, Keystone light. I am thoroughly amused by their commercials. You may not be smooth, but at least your beer will be. I especially enjoy the look on the guys face who tries to impress a girl by reaching the chips on the top row only to knock over entire aisles. Besides that, Keystone is cheap, and it's not that horrible!
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Smooth, even when you're not.
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Pepsi Max for Men - First off, this whole revolution of "Blank for Men" is really starting to get on my nerves. Let's market everything women use, repackage it as "Blank for Men" and profit! Now I actually did not mind the commercials for Pepsi Max. A bunch of dudes getting hurt and saying "I'm good," is a decent concept. The stupidity is when they say that it's a "Diet Cola for Men." Sigh. Pepsi Max is essentially Diet Pepsi with more caffiene and ginseng. Hey, even that previous sentence is a better slogan than "Diet Cola for Men." So not only did they pussify Pepsi Max, but suddenly no man in America can buy a Diet drink. I for one sometimes like the taste of Diet drinks sometimes. Sorry Pepsi, but "Diet Cola for Men," is a horrible slogan and has solidified the Coke over Pepsi argument.
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Is this picture real?
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Alternative to Pepsi Max - Meth - Have you seen these awesome anti-meth ads? Meth turns you into an aggressive hooligan who steals from women and babies! You also get awesome cuts all over your face! If you're a woman, it'll make you huddle in the shower while the blood/dirt mixture is washed off. You also scare the crap out of people. It also makes girls do vague sexual deeds for another hit, another argument for becoming a meth peddler! So don't buy Pepsi Max, try meth, the "Diet Drug for Men."
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My current favorite commercial - "This wasn't supposed to be your life!"
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