World Series Observations (Game 1)
published October 29, 2009
Well another baseball year will be in the books soon, and my last hope to eliminate the Yankees are now the Phillies. The Twins had no business to even be in the postseason, and the Angels simply could not get the bats going. Most people will know how much The Archnemesis hates the Yankees by now, if not I refer you to this page. Well here are my extremely biased observations of Game 1. I preface this article by saying that I am by no means a Phillies fan, just a Yankees hater.
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Ozzie Guillen - I love Ozzie Guillen, he's my favorite person to do an impression of these days. He didn't have terribly much to say except that he predicted the Phillies in 6, and that this is the first world Series in the new "Jankey stadium." Yeah yeah, I know it's a cultural thing that his accent made it sound "Jankey Stadium," but he's oh so right. When asked about the Phillies bullpen, he answered, "Da Boo-pin, is-ah well rest."
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Star Wars music, really? - Do the Yankees know that they're the ones dubbed the "Evil Empire" after the Empire in Star Wars? Well they played the empire music while introducing the Phillies and continued with the triumphant rebel music when they introduced the Yankees. Yeah, I'll bet the Rebel Alliance did not have twice the payroll as the empire. Who the hell was the idiot in charge of this?
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The Horrific National Anthem - Holy hell, the male incarnate of Alanis Morrisette sang the National Anthem. Some survivor of Black Hawk Down came out to sing the national anthem, and the guy kept trying to crack his voice. That guy needs to stick to his day job of being captured by enemy forces.
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Michelle Obama - I'm glad I know she and Barack are White Sox fans or I would convert to Republican if I thought she was a Yankee fan. Whoever did her make up needs to be fired immediately though. You know those "Joker-face" Obama posters that were made, well Michelle Obama seriously looked like she had Joker make-up on. She, with Mrs. Biden accompanied some troop to throw the first pitch, and gave a huge, evil Jokerific grin. It was horrific. It was worse than the Sarah Palin "Fake High Cheek Bone" make-up. Unfortunately, this was the best picture I could find, and it doesn't show the horror in full glory.
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Joe Buck's Concave Eyebrow face - Joe Buck does a good job of being a neutral announcer and knowing his shit pretty well. After seeing him in Budwesier commercials, some car rental commercial, and his horrific TV show that Artie Lang stole, I just cannot stand the sight of his weird ass concave eyebrows. Good thing we just have to listen to him, not watch him.
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Home Depot's "Tools" to Victory - Earlier in the game, Fox announced the "Home Depot Tools to Victory." The Phillies 'tool' to victory was good pitching. The Yankee tools were Alex Rodriguez and C.C. Sabathia. I agree completely that Alex Rodriguez is a tool, but C.C. Sabathia isn't quite a tool yet. Speaking of C.C...
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Sabathia's Wardrobe Adjustments - This guy spends an eternity adjusting his belt, his pants, his shirt, and then his hat - after every pitch. It's like he's allergic to the Yankee uniform.
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The Philadelphia Soul Patches - It's too bad Cliff Lee got rid of his soul patch, because it seems like every other guy on the team has a soul patch.
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What's with Nick Swisher's bottom lip? - This guy is either addicted to chewing tobacco worse than anyone else in history, or he has some sort of bottom lip tumor.
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The Umpires get it right! - I was close to outrage and a temper tandrum involving how the Yankees buy out all the umpires like they did in the earlier years of their existence. The play was a double play in three ways, but the umpires almost called it as 1 out. The 6 umps met up and got the call right, restoring a little bit of faith in the umpire officiating crew.
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Enough with "God Bless America" - Every 7th inning stretch, someone has to come out and sing God Bless America. This tradition started after 9/11. Half of America doesn't believe in the aforementioned "God." With nearly 20% reaching agnostic/atheist status, and the multitudes of other religions that worship something that isn't god (Allah, Buddha, Ahura Mazda, Xenu), you might as well sing "Dumbledore Bless America." Is it offensive? Not really. Is it retarded? Yes.
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Cliff Lee's Defense - His nonchalant catch off the bat of Johny Damon could've been the play of the day, until later he snagged a wicked ground ball up the middle, behind his back! It was a 1 in a million shot, and he grabbed it. Not to mention he pitched one hell of a game. I just wish he got that shut-out.
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The Phillies fans in Yankee Stadium - It's not often that nice things are said about Philly fans, but the ones at Yankee Stadium tonight were awesome. They were loud, and even started some chants, like "JIM-MY ROL-LINS *Clap* *clap* *Clap-clap-clap*." Even towards the end of the game I easily heard a "Yankees Suck" chant. Well done Philly fans, well done indeed!
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The Game - By the way, there was a game played and it was awesome to watch a completely impotent Yankee line-up against Cliff Lee. A-Rod struck out 3 times, Teixeira struck out twice, and the Yankees did not get a run until the 9th inning. The Yankee bullpen imploded and performed like it did during the first half of the season, and Chase Utley got two dinger off Sabathia, both with 2 strikes. Here's hoping the prediction Jimmy Rollins made about the Phillies winning in 5 is true.
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The Post Game Music - "New York, New York," blared on the stadium speakers as the cold, wet, miserable fans headed for the exits. They should've played the theme song from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," because tomorrow it sure will be no matter what the weather!
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