Why Everyone Should Hate the Yankees

published May 29, 2009

No, this is not one of the reasons why you should hate the Yankees.

There are multitudes of reasons of why you should hate the Yankees, but most of them are superficial or trifle. For example Derek Jeter's smirk, his excessive jumping up to throw to first, and sticking his ass out on every inside pitch. There's the Steinbrenners and their complete arrogance and blaming of players and firing of managers. There's the obnoxious fans, the worst burger in the majors at the stadium, the primadonnas in the clubhouse (especially A-Rod), the rule that players have to have short hair and that no facial hair is allowed (except a moustache), the overzealous New York media, the business-like demeanor of the players, the Yogi Berra-isms, Pee Wee Herman Cashman, etc. etc. However, there are far greater reasons to hate the Yankees

After "Stray-Rod" was found carousing with a stripper, fans taunted him with these masks.

#6 - The Favorites - They are the most storied franchise in baseball, with 26 Championships, and with a payroll of over $200 millions per year, they are perennial contenders. They are always the favorites, but people in general like to root for the underdog. The Yankees are never the underdogs. Dubbed the "Evil Empire," they are exactly that. Who roots for the Empire in Star Wars? Who roots for Brad Pitt to get the girl? Who roots for the Imperial British? Who roots for the Yankees against team with a fraction of the payroll?

Obligatory A-Rod ball slap.

#5 - Dirty off Season Tactics - This winter, the top 4 free agents on the market were as follows.

• Mark Teixeira, 1B
• CC Sabathia, P
• AJ Burnett, P
• Manny Ramirez, LF

The Yankee's promptly bought the top 3 available free agents, and were often mentioned in wanting to pick up Ramirez as well. The dirty pick-up in particular was Mark Teixeira. His agent, Scott Boras (one of worst human beings in existence) received offers from the Orioles, the Nationals and the Red Sox. The Orioles and Nationals were good options for Teixeira because they were close to his home in Annapolis Maryland. The Red Sox did offer more than the other two teams. These offers were made public. However, Scott Boras said he had an offer from a "mystery" team that topped all the others monetarily. Of course this team was the Yankees, the "Evil Empire" talking secretly with the the most hated man in sports. Teixeira promptly signed for the bigger 8 year/$180 million contract, earning Boras a bigger cut. The baseball world was in disgust. After the 3 signings, suddenly the words "Salary Cap," started popping up all over the baseball world.

And here's an obligatory photo of Pedro Martinez throwing Don Zimmer to the ground.

#4 - The New Yankee Stadium - The things wrong with the new Yankee stadium are overwhelming. First off, it cost New York taxpayers over $350 million out of the $1.5 Billion price tag. The result? The stadiums ridiculously overpriced seating, especially at ground level. The seats behind home plate are frequently about half full because of the pricing. Home runs are flying out of right field in record fashion, with players saying that some sort of air current just lifts the ball out of the park. They've banned sunblock only to sell them for ridiculous prices inside the park. One guy was even kicked out for going to the bathroom during the singing of "God Bless America". Also a class of West Haven seventh-graders on a field trip were denied a tour of Yankee Stadium, because they were late due to traffic. Yankee stadium also serves kitten burgers and has an abortion clinic in it. Okay, that last sentence is a lie.

Picture not related.

#3 - Calls goings their way - Here are 4 calls that went the Yankee's way. There's probably many more, but these are the four I know of off the top of my head.

- In 1996, the Orioles are beating the Yankee's 4-3, when a deep pop fly is hit by Derek Jeter. Orioles outfielder Tony Tarasco gets under it, however before he makes the catch a boy, Jeffrey Maier reaches over the stands and catches the ball from. What should've been ruled fan interference was ruled a home run. The Yankees win the game and eventually the World Championship.

Jeffrey Maier has smartly stayed away from Baltimore.

- The the 1999 ALCS against the Red Sox, The Red Sox are rallying in the 8th inning, when was looks like a John Valentin ground ball to Chuck Knoblauch could be a double play. Chuck attempted feebly to tag the runner and missed by about 18 inches. The runner was shockingly called out, and the rally was killed. The Yankees won that game and went on to be the World Champions.

...and the runner was called out.

- In the 1978 world series against the Dodgers, Reggie Jackson's hip leaned into a ball and deflected it into center field. Instead of a double play, a run scored. The Yankees win the game and went on to become World Champions.

- In the 1998 World series, the high priced Yankee's battled the underdog Padres. In game 1, Tino Martinez comes up with the bases loaded. A 2-2 Mark Langston pitch looked to be a strike, but it was called a ball. The next pitch was hit for a grand slam and the padres never recovered, losing in 4.

#2 - Steroids - Here is a short list of Yankees implicated with steroids. Roger Clemens, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, Andy Pettite, Ivan Rodriguez, Matt Lawton, Kevin Brown, Denny Neagle, Mike Stanton, David Justice, Randy Velarde, Rondell White, Chuck Knoblauch, Jason Grimsley, Glenallen Hill, Ron Villone, Kyle Farnsworth, hell even a stint from Jose Canseco himself. You really think the clean Yankee heroes (Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Bernie WIlliams and Derek Jeter) were 100% clean with teammates like these coming and going? The Yankees had 30 player implicated in the Mitchell Report, more than any other team (Second place was A-roid's Texas Rangers). To top it off, the Yankees won 4 championship with these players from 1996 to 2000, baseball's 'hey-day' of steroids.

Boston Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek, doing what many of us want to do, rearrange A-Rod's face.

#1 - Payroll - This is quite possibly the biggest reason to hate the Yankees. They are destroying baseball. You can count on them buying the best player on the market every year, constantly outbidding the smaller market teams. Alex Rodriguez made more than the entire 2008 Florida Marlins ($28 million to $22 million). They spent over $65 million more than second place (Mets). Heck, the Yankees outspend the Nationals, the Pirates, The Marlins and the Padres combined. Baseball implemented the Luxury tax and revenue sharing just because of the Yankees, but that clearly is not enough. Since the off season, there finally was talk of a salary cap to keep the small market teams competitive. If this was implemented it would be because of the Yankees spending sprees. Even if you go back in history, you notice that back in the 50's, the Yankees were perennial winners. The reason they won so much, was because there was no draft, and the Yankees kept gobbling up the best players. The draft was implemented in 1960 because of the Yankees as well (and suddenly the Yankees stunk). Until the payroll discrepancy is figured out, the Yankees will always be a playoff contender. The worst part is that nothing will be done regarding the payroll situation until the Yankees win a couple more championships, and that is unacceptable. Everytime the Yankees win, I die a little bit inside, and have to take an extra dump to get rid of it.

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