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The Worst Batting Stances
originally published June, 2005

 

Craig Counsell

Yes, this guy actually bats like he wants a large inmate to rape him. All limbs stretching in all directions, it really hasn't done this child much good. All this stance can possibly serve to do is to enrage the pitcher into either beaning him in the face, or get distracted. Craig Counsell is more of a violin player than a baseball player, with a pathetic 25 home runs his entire career (which spans 10 years). This is truly the worst batting stance that I have ever seen in history.

ABSOLUTE WORST BATTING STANCE WINNER

Gary Sheffield

Nark, deviant, complainer, racist, childish, steroid abuser, and liar are just several of the many unfirnedly adjectives used to describe Gary Sheffield, and that's before we even look at his erratic batting stance. He's waving that stick around like moths are swarming in his face, and then bring the bat down across the plate with a ridiculously huge step and swings hard enough to break his elbows (which has happened). This unlikeable fellow blames his steroid use on Barry Bonds, and contends that Jose Canseco is a victim of racism.

MOST HATED BALLPLAYER WINNER

Tony Batista

This is a picture of his batting stance, not him getting ready to walk into the batter box. That's right, he wants the pitcher to bean his crotch. He also holds the bat out in front of him as if he was some sort of low level samurai in training. I'm not even sure if he's playing baseball anymore. They say with an open stance like this it helps him see that ball, then why the heck is his career batting average .250?

Most Down-Syndrome-ish Batting Stance Winner

Jeff Bagwell

His batting stance is so embarrassing, it seems like the only images of him online are after he hits the ball. The only accurate representation of his batting stance was a toy. This stance is a full crotch in your face stance. So far does he spread his legs that his uniforms are made extra baggy so the seams don't tear after every at bat. In Bagwell's defense, he has put up hall of fame number with this stance. On the other side, he's been plagued by groin injuries his whole career... I wonder why.

Best Career with A Shitty Stance Winner

The next three aren't necessarily batting stances, but batting ideosyncracies that just tick me off.

Nomar Garciaparra

This fragile ballplayer, once a Boston fan favorite, now a Cubbies curse, has one of the most annoying rituals before he steps to the plate. First he tightens his batting gloves for 20 second to the point that you wonder if he canfeel his fingers. Then, he'll tap his toes on the ground as he moves the bat toward the pitcher about 12 times. After hitting the ball, he usually get injured. We're not talkin' a tender hamstring or something, we're talkin' about a half the season tear. Nomar is also a player in which steroid abuse is whispered, and the injuries are most likely related.

The "Injured Again?!" Winner

Sammy Sosa

That little hop he does after he hits a home run pisses me off. Especially since I've seen many instances where he does that hop and it results in a long pop fly out. It's sad to see a skinny guy suddenly get enormous and a forehead tripling in size. Suddenly he becomes one of baseball most prolific hitters, only to fall to a corked bat, a beanball to the helmet, and horrendously shrinking numbers (which match his shrinking physical stature as baseballs steroid rules have toughened).

The Cheater Award Winner

Left handed female softball players

Don't get me wrong, I mildly enjoyed watching women's softball when there was absolutely nothing else on TV, but there was this one thing that every single left handed hitter did that bugged me. They wouldn't swing the goddamn bat!!! They'd start running to first, stick their bat out, and 90% of the time, completely miss the ball! They'd be 5-7 steps to first by the time they realized the ball did not make contact with their bat! It's like they know they can't hit the ball out of the infield so they just try to nick and beat out a grounder. I was a much bigger fan of the larger woman who would sit back, smack the ball and then decide if they needed to run or not. These left handed players that bugged me were reminiscent of an Ichiro, if Ichiro batted .067.

The "We Can Really Do Much Better" Award Winners

 

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