10 Comedians That Have Never Made Me Laugh

published September 19, 2009

Let's get one think straight - I am easily amused. It isn't difficult to amuse me or to make me laugh. Tthere are people making million upon millions by making people laugh. They are called 'comedians.' The unfortunate part is that there are many comedians that get paid maillions to make people laugh, and fail to do so. Here are 10 of the worst, most unfunny, and horrible comedians that have never made me laugh.

Not on the list: The Comedian

Honorables Mentions: Dane Cook (He has definitely made me laugh a ton in the past), Carlos Mencia (He gets a lot of crap, but his "Take A Joke America" routine earlier in his career was decent, Joan Rivers (I laughed in Spaceballs), Bill Engvall (Seriously horrible, but I got a chuckle once), Louie Anderson (A couple Family Feud quips made me chuckle), Howie Mandell (could easily be on the list), Dave Coulier (The kids love him, and he gets genuine nice guy points).

#10 - Gallagher - This is the Richard Simmons of the comedy world. Both have long hair with balding tops and both have incredibly homosexual lisps. The only difference is, I've found RIchard Simmons to be funny. Gallagher, not so much. It says a lot when your signature act of comedy is smashing a watermelon.

#9 - Sinbad - Sinbad, aka the unthreatening black guy that white guys can find funny - in the 80's. We had greats like Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy (at the time) taking black comedy (the race not the genre) to the next level. Then there was SInbad taking black comedy and taking 2 steps backwards. It's the equivalent of Monica Lewinsky to the women's movement. And correct me if I'm wrong, but is his hair blondish?!

#8 - Kathy Griffin - She's like a newer version of Joan Rivers with a bit more swearing. Her routine is based on celebrity adoration. She claims to be a D-list celebrity, but why the hell do I see her everywhere? Maybe I'm simply not her target audience. Maybe her target audience is people who buy US Weekly, love Cathy comics, and religiously watch Entertainment Tonight and Reality Shows on E! or Bravo. Also, Is it just me, or has she been 40 years old her whole life?

#7 - Amy Poehler - On Saturday Night Live, I've seen some horrible impersonations, but her Hillary Clinton has to be the worst I've ever seen. Her comedy seems purely based on her shit eating grin and annoying voice. At least she's gone, and as far as I know her show failed. How she even got that opportunity is beyond me.

#6 - Margaret Cho - I found her slightly charismatic and gave her every chance to make me laugh. I will admit I cracked a smile in her lesbian cruise bit, but failed to laugh. The stupidity of the album name "The Notorious C.H.O." reduces the funniness of everything she's ever said. Out of everyone on this list, she probably has the best chance of getting off it. That also kind of depends on Bill Engvall continuing to suck.

#5 -Jeff Foxworthy - You might be a redneck if SHUT THE HELL UP. Do rednecks actually find this guy funny? Someone does because he's the best selling comedian of all time. He's been a millionaire since 1992 and worked in computer maintenence before that. Redneck?! No, he's just taking advantage of idiots and making jokes that rednecks find amusing, which is pretty smart. My theory is that to find Jeff Foxworthy, you must have an IQ of under 95. And if your IQ is under 95, you might be a redneck.

#4 - D.L. Hughley - Somehow this guy was one of the 4 "Original Kings of Comedy" and got his own TV show. Not bad for a guy who's whole repertoire of jokes is "White guys do this. Black guy do this. When X happens, white guys are like this, and black guys are like this. White guys are all blah blah, and black guys are all BLAH blah." He seems to have disappeared from the scene, or perhaps because people just realized that he's not funny.

#3 - Jim Breuer - I hate Jim Breuer. His stoney dumb guy act is horrid. He's not even good at acting it! Now he has the prestigious title of Pizza Hut spokesman and screams "Jackpot" all the time, which is about as funny as this guy gets. Not only has this guy failed to make me laugh, he gets the opposite reaction from me - rage. If he's on TV, I need to change the channel quickly, or else I'll be TV shopping the next day.

#2 - Larry the Cable Guy - If you thought Jeff Foxworthy was bad, Larry the Cable Guy is a dumbed down version of him. Where you need an IQ lower than 95 to find Jeff Foxworthy funny, you need lower than 65 to find Larry the Cable Guy funny. That's right, only the legally retarded find this guy funny. He actually is fairly a normal guy, but he does this persona to pander to the retard demographic. Unfortunately, it's a huge demographic. You can find them at tea parties, interrupting town hall meetings, and watching Glenn Beck.

#1 - Jimmy Fallon - I despise Jimmy Fallon. He's never been funny, and somehow hosts a late night show. His skill in his SNL days was laughing at funnier people and doing an Adam Sandler impression. I really wonder how he climbed the ranks with no comedic talent besides that. I've never laughed at him on SNL, never in any of his wretched movies, and not even close to his late show. His opening monologue is the absolute worst in any comedic monologue in the history of monologues. I yearn for the day that he fails, and then I might finally laugh at Jimmy Fallon.

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