The Hicks - My high school was walking distance from the ocean. That being said, somehow the folk from the countryside managed to get to our high school in their huge pick-up trucks. Hick is supposed to be a derogatory term, but they called themselves that. Some even sported the classic cowboy hat, tight jeans, and boots. Most people wanted to tell them, we're on the coast dumbshit! Upon first impression, you'd think the Hicks were kinda assholes, but they turned out to be some of the nicest and most moral folk in the whole school.

How they turned out: Most of them stuck to the countryside, 45 minutes inland from the coastal high school. They ended up building their own houses on their properties out there doing their ranching type stuff.

The Scary Girl Jocks - We're not talking about the cutesy girls that play basketball so their cute lil ponytails could bounce, or the girls who played soccer a bit to show their legs. We're talking about the scary field hockey/lacrosse girls with scratches and bruises all over their bodies. The ones that could easily play and possibly dominate the boys sports. In high school, they were usually large and in charge compared to the rest, and judging by the scowls on their faces they were ready to kill you if you offended them. Even the smaller girl jocks were scary. They took no shit from anyone, especially boys.

How they turned out: Well the rest of us grew, and they stayed the same size. It also turned out that they were absolute sweethearts. Some of them turned out to be the funnest girls you could ever hang out with, perhaps due to the tomboyish nature of their personalities. While only one turned into a lesbian, the others are either living happily with kids, or still on the prowl.

The Pseudohippies - We didn't have any hippies in my school, we had pseudohippies. They were almost normal, except for the fact that they had butterfly patches on their backpacks, loved Sublime, cared deeply for animals and the environments, and had pseudo-vegetarian diets. The kind of diet where chicken and fish was okay, but no other meats were. Some would take it a step further with a tad too much body hair, but others were the most gorgeous girls in the school, even the times they didn't wear make-up. The biggest crushes were on the pseudohippies, not those popular dipshit tramps.

How they turned out: The Pseudohippies are all over the place. Some are married, some are active democrats, and some disappeared off the face of the planet. Some went on wild travelling adventures only to return with a husband, and some are still working on their PhD. They really became quite the wild card.

The Straight Edgers - We had such a ridiculous amount of straight edgers at my school. For those of you who don't know what that is, it means, vegan, no drugs, no alcohol, lots of tattoos, piercings, and shitty ass hardcore music. Most of them had already done heavy drugs and alcohol by late high school, and this was their way to quit. At the same time, most of us were just discovering drugs and alcohol, while these guys were preaching, and I do mean preaching, against it. Most of the guys were actually quite awesome. Great sense of humor, intense knowledge of music of all genres, and knew how to have a great time without booze (an admirable trait when booze was hard to come by). Though I despised the Straight Edge movement, I had much love for the Straight Edgers themselves.

How they turned out: Not surprisingly, most started drinking, smoking weed, and eating meat again. The ones that didn't were the straight edgers no one liked. Their tattoos remain, as does their love of music, but at least it isn't shitty hardcore music any more. Most are still awesome, and even awesomer when you get drunk with them, a privilege we did not have in high school

The Valley Boys - By Valley Boy I don't mean a boy who lived in the valley. I mean the boy who talked, and hung out with the valley girls. They hung out with all the valley girls and the preppie chicks. It wasn't because the the girls thought they were hot, far from it. The Valley Boy hung out with the girls because he could relate to them. They were blatent homosexuals, who were not homosexuals. They insisted that they loved the ladies as much the the rest of us. Listening to a male talk and say "oh my god, it was like, like, oh my god" was enough to inspire rage in most of us. The fact that he hung out with the hottest girls in the school only made you more angry.

How they turned out: Gay.

The Friendly Drug Dealers - Our image of a drug dealer is the creepy paranoid asshole who is always holding a shotgun. In my high school, the drug dealers were the nicest guys in the whole school. The teachers loved them, and every clique loved them. They didn't always perform well grade-wise, but as far as overall likeability, they were tops. I don't even do drugs and I'm still good friends with a couple of these guys. They were roamers in high school. Back then, I thought it was because everyone loved them. In retrospect, I see they were roaming to sell drugs, because almost every clique did drugs, except those Straight Edge assholes. In essence they were drug dealers, but no one ever thought of them as that. They were the awesome friendly guys who happened to have drugs if you had the money. Their biggest customer however was (see next).

How they turned out: The strange thing is these guys have changed the least. They're still doing their thing, whether it's just work or school, and selling drugs too sometimes. They haven't been caught because the cops love them too much.

The Stoner Genius - Out of our three valedictorians, 2 heavily smoked marijuana and the third probably did. Not only that, but 8 out of the top 10 students in our class were all heavy marijuana smokers. It made absolutely no sense. All year long, class would go and most of these stoner geniuses would chill in the corner, not saying much. Then test scores came out, and the stoner geniuses were always on top. Quietly, they rose through the academic ranks, taking AP classes and such. And still, they managed the straight A's. I'm still not even convinced that they were particularly smart, just great at getting stoned and focusing on their material for the next test.

How they turned out: Most of them strayed from their path of super successful CEO types and went on to more creative type professions. It kind of makes sense - their brains are too good to be used for mindless office work, especially when tainted with the effects of THC.

The Ugly Sluts - This one perturbed me for a long time. These were the girls that were by all acccounts ugly. I can't find a better word to describe them. But the damned thing is, they had sex all the time, and talked about it all the time so losers like me had to overhear it. Who in the hell would sleep with these goblinoid girls?! They were filthy in every aspect of the word. They were hideously ugly, and only filth about their sexual exploitations spewed from their mouths. The only thing they had going was dressing slutty and having sex with any unfortunate victim who happened to express interest. I've already mentioned it, but the fact that they endlessly talked about it made them exceptionally repulsive.

How they turned out: They married the first guy that would have sex with them more than once and promptly had disgusting children.

The Retard Surfer - It's well known that not all surfers are retarded. Some are quite smart. I know a surfer professor and a couple surfer lawyers. In my high school however, the surfers were the dumbest people to ever grace the Earth. Two of them were small Napoleon syndrome types, with the brains of an Archaeopteryx. The bigger one was a retard of epic proportions who tried to bully people, and usually failed. These guys make Spicolli seem like a genius. Actually Spicolli was actually nice, while the surfer retards of my school were quite the assholes. They made up retarded words like "Barns" and "Furlong," which really only accentuated the retards that they were.

How they turned out: They're still quite dumb. I even almost slept with one of these surfer retard's mothers for revenge, but because she was filthy ugly, I did not. As far as I know, they're bouncing back between taking classes at their local community college and being gas station attendants. They probably still surf sometimes too.

My Clique - I don't know what the hell we were. I know there was 8 of us, and for some strange reason we had power. I can best describe it as the rejects from the other cliques. We had the Christian, the jock, the preppie, the nerd, the thespian, the pseudohippie, the stoner, and the drug dealer - all in one clique! Not too many people hated us. Sometimes the jocks from lower grades would try to front, but we literally kicked their faces in, tagged their table and called them fags (a reprehensible word for the jocks at the time). The teachers loved us, but the dean hated us, as we were quite prone to causing trouble, most often caused by throwing grapes at the dean herself. All in all, I can say we were the best clique that ever existed in the history of cliques, but I may be a bit biased.

How we turned out: We're the guys in power. Our collective intelligence is watching what you do, and knowing all of your weaknesses. On the exterior, we are the coolest dudes ever, but know this - we are ever plotting your demise. And guess what, your demise is soon..