8 Ways the World Will and Will NOT End

published September 1, 2009

8 Ways the World Will NOT End

#1 - 2012 - The 2012 hype has gotten completely out of hand. The Roland Emmerich movie, the History channel specials, the 300 page books, the websites etc. I have bad news, it's complete bullshit. The Mayan calendar supposedly ends on December 21, 2012, and this supposedly coincides with the poles shifting, the planet lining up, and the galaxy core lining up. The bible predicts it, Nostradamus predicts it, Einstein predicts it, holy crap! Well the end of the Mayan Calendar is no different than the end of our yearly calendar. December 31st of every year is not Doomsday. Y2K was the biggest reason for panic and it produced nothing but a couple glitches in old computers. Nothing out of the ordinary will happen in 2012. The poles will not suddenly reverse, a super volcano will not suddenly explode, and the world will not end. The worst that can happen is panic induced killings, and that is a human thing, not a 2012 thing.

Tongue piercings becoming popular = the end of the world.

 

#2 - Ice Age - There have been 4 ice ages in recent history. By recent I mean 4 million years. The last Ice Age was about 20,000 years ago, and guess what, our ancestors survived it! The next time around we have all sorts of neat things like artificial heating and housing! Even in the worst-case Roland Emmerich-like scenario, humans will live on. Perhaps billions will die, but millions upon millions would live. The facts about another Ice Age are hard to come by, but one thing I am sure of, is that humans can easily survive another one. If a caveman in a loincloth can survive one outdoors, so can you - indoors.

Mew!

 

#3 - Global Warming - I do not mean to detract from the severity of global warming. It is a problem the world is facing, and it is causing all sorts of disastrous climate change. This is not and should not be disputed by anyone unless you wish to be marginalized. The global temperature is rising, and as a result, there are violent storms all over the planet (ie. an increase in the lattitude and occurance of hurricanes, rainfall and drought in opposite places, polar ice-caps melting). Global warming is causing death and will continue to cause death for quite a while. However, it will not exterminate mankind. Humans can live anywhere nowadays. Those at risk are the ones living in Bangladesh, Florida, Indonesia, and even New York City. Those in Sonora California, Denver Colorado, Ulaan Baator Mongolia, and Calgary Canada will be just fine. Maybe more tornadoes, but that's about it. Mother Earth is a bitch and will do what she can to rid herself of the human infection, but we are just too formidable to be completely purged.

At least the polar bear threat will be reduced.

 

#4 - The Rapture - Jesus will appear back to Earth and take his believers to heaven, and leave the rest to rot in the cesspool of Earth. Evangelicals believe they will simply vanish, leaving behind the fillings of their teeth. 22% of Americans believe that the Rapture will happen in their lifetime. 22% more believe it -might- happen in their lifetime. Well, it simply is not going to happen. Their grandparents thought it would happen in their lifetime, and their grandparent's grandparents thought it would happen in their lifetime too. Without trying to sound too harsh, this is pure superstition and fantasy trying to scare you into a set of beliefs. I don't want to pick on Evangelicals, because most religions have their version of the "Rapture," and most are equally as absurd and ridiculous as the other.

 

#5 - Killer Robots - Technology is something that humankind should embrace - not fear. However there is a subconscious human fear of our creations overtaking us. In ancient Greece, it was a legitimate fear that your son would would overthrow you. Today, we have the Terminator Series and the Battlestar Galactica Series (both great by the way) warning us that our machines will destroy us. Even today we have machines that can beat our best chess player at his own game! (Deep Blue). The thing is, we underestimate ourselves. There is far too much that we have that machines can never have, no matter how advanced. We have hope, love, survival, desperation, hatred, and fear. Machines will never have any of these, no matter what Hollywood tells us. They will never have a sense of self preservation to the point of annihilating mankind, and if they ever get close, we will destroy them. The only evil robots are capable of is propagated by human evil, which is a whole different matter.

Cheel out, deekwad.

 

#6 - Zombies - I desperately want this one to happen. It would be so awesome. The world will simply not end this way though and there are many reasons. Even if the damn thing were airborne, maybe all of Eurasia and the America's would be zombified - maybe. That still leaves Australia, New Zealand, Iceland, and every other island in the world. They'll be just fine as the zombie population slowly dies out. The thing is, zombies require bites or some sort of contact. A baseball bat or a locked door on the second floor is all you really need to protect yourself from the zombies. Honestly, they aren't that hard to defend against, even if they're the crazy running/puking Zombies from the 28 Days/Weeks Later movies.

I slept with Paris Hilton and all I got was this lousy virus.

 

#7 - Pandemic - I find this to be very similar to the zombie infestation, only less dangerous. Even the worst virus imaginable would not reach every corner of the world. Madagascar comes into mind. No matter how crazy the disease, some people will build up immunity, and many more in remote areas will not be touched. Ebola is about as crazy as a disease as we get, and it has an average of a 88% kill rate.This means 12% survive it. Also it kills way too fast to spread. So the perfect balance of disease that kills, and has a long incubation is difficult. The HIV is about as successful a virus as you get. Even still, the HIV pales in comparison to some of the Influenza Pandemics of the past. The flu of 1918-1919 infected a third of the world population, and killed an estimated 50 million people. Today, we have a wonderful thing called medicine, and it's doubtful a pandemic can really eliminate humankind.

Damn you Madagascar! I can never kill you! (click to play Pandemic 2)

 

#8 - Nuclear War - One of the scariest things is knowing that we have the power to blow up the world 200 times over. As long as people hate each other over stupid reasons (and most of the time they really are stupid reasons), there is the danger of nuclear holocaust. While this remains a possibility, it simply will not happen. It's safe to say that since Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and even Chernobyl, that we as a race will not inflict such horrible destruction on innocent civilians. That's not to say a terrorist band may drop a bomb on Los Angeles, because that is a possibility (albeit a very tiny possibility). Even if the U.S. and China/Russia got into a terrible nuclear war, people will go on. A horrible nuclear winter perhaps, but humanity will go on. No nationalistic hatred will lead to the destruction of our entire human race. Religious hatred however...

 

8 Ways the World Will End

#1 - Solar Flares - Out of all the scenarios of the end of the world that have been played out, this is the one that seems most reasonable. The sun is just a huge ass bomb that continually explodes. Some explosions are larger, waaaaaaay larger than others. This year, sunspots and solar flares have been far milder than they're supposed to be. To me, this is the extreme calm before the storm. It is fact that "solar maximum" is due to happen in the next few years. It is unknown how "maximum" it will get. A supersolar flare could bat aside our magnetic field and fry the whole planet easily like a cat batting a fruit fly. The worst part is that it is not abnormal for our sun to do that.

Earth - as big as the Sun's fart.

 

#2 - Asteroid/ Comet Collision - If a solar flare doesn't get us, an asteroid or comet collision will. These are so common that it's not considered an "if" if happens, but "when" it happens. I offer to you a quote from Steven Petranek, editor of Discover Magazine and speaker in the TED conference, and I urge you to read it carefully.

"In 1908, just a 200 foot piece of a comet exploded over Siberia and flattened forests for maybe 100 miles. It had the effect of about 1,000 Hiroshima bombs. Astronomers estimate that little asteroids like that come about every hundred years. In 1989 a large asteroid passed 400,000 miles away from earth. Nothing to worry about, right? It passed directly through earth's orbit. We were in that that spot six hours earlier."

Okay, scary stuff. For perspective, we've spent a trillion dollars on a fake Iraq war, and 3 million dollars on asteroid research. That's a 333,333:1 ratio! And this considering that just outside of Mars is a huge ass belt filled with asteroids waiting for their chance to destroy! This is a real threat, and far more scary than anything Glenn Beck will tell you.

If the asteroids and meteroids don't get you, the hemorrhoids will.

 

#3 - Alien Invasion - In just a few short decades, we've gone from a 'maybe life exists outside of Earth', to 'life definitely exists outside of Earth.' There's a gazillion galaxies, with a gazillions stars, each with a chance for life. The real question is, have any that are relatively nearby advanced as a species quicker than humans on Earth? Planetary colonization is a reality that we humans will have to face as a species. We will have to go looking for other "Earths." Is there a species out there that has already reached that point? Is there an alien race that is looking for what we take for granted? If there is, their technology has advanced to a point beyond out comprehension. Their means of destroying us is far beyond green laser beams, and their defense is far more impenetrable than a measly bacterial infection as per "War of the Worlds." I find this one unlikely, and think that we humans will be the ones looking for other planets before they come looking for us.

We must beam up the Empire State building for research.

 

#4 - Particle Accelerator Miscalculation - I truly find this theory highly unlikely. The fear mongers say that they create miniature black holes and these black holes will swallow our entire planet. They expect these tiny black holes to evaporate. This technology however is a stepping stone to technology that actually has the possibility of imploding our planet. The Large Hadron Collider will certainly not swallow our planet, but the groundwork is there. I for one, have faith in those that are 10 times smarter than the average individual and that they will not allow the world to be swallowed by a man-made black hole, but then again, isn't human error part of being human?

Ha-Do-Ken!

 

#5 - Rogue Black Hole/Star - This is a relatively new theory, but a very real possibility. Black Holes are not as rare as once thought. In fact, there may be thousands, if not millions in our galaxy alone. Add this to the fact that gravity has the potential to 'fling' these black holes across extremely long distances, and the fact that one can swallow our solar system from a billion miles away. The good thing is, a billion miles is a grain of sand in the universe, and the likelihood of a black hole getting to our neck of the woods is next to zero. However, get a binary star involved in a black hole's gravitional pull. This situation could slingshot a rogue star hurtling our way. A relatively close one could pull Earth clear out of the sun's orbit, and into a cold doom.

Hello. My name is "Black Hole." Now you die!

 

#6 - Gamma Ray Burst - This is an explosion we cannot hope to comprehend. This explosion absolutely destroys everything within thousands of light years away from it. This is like a supernova times 100. It's theorized that a gamma-ray burst (GRB) anywhere in the milky way galaxy could eliminate all life on Earth. However, most GRB's that we know of are from very distant galaxies at the far end of the ever expanding universe. A GRB needs a supernova of a most epic scale, and even still fires a thin beam. There is a star (WR 104) only mere 8,000 light years, where the axis is lined up in such a way that the burst is pointed right at us. Then there's the other type of GRB that happen when 2 neutron stars collide. More energy than the sun will create in it's 10 billion year life span will be ejected in 2 seconds. There's about a dozen of these situations unfolding in our galaxy.

Take that, terrorists!

 

#7 - Expanding Sun - One word I would use to describe the human race is perseverant. We will do whatever it takes to go on as a species. If all of the above scenarios fail, we will eventually have to deal with the expansion of our sun. If we survive the collision of the Andromeda Galaxy with our Milky way in 3 billion years, we'll have to deal with all of Earth's water being evaporated. By then, we're either dead or in a different system. I mean compare under 5,000 years of human technology that we know, to 3,000,000,000 years in the future. You just can't. If we haven't figured it out by then, we deserve to burn to a crisp - courtesy of our sun.

This is Earth in 3 billion years. My extremely great grandkids will be bummed.

 

#8 - Combination of the Above - Humans are not doing a good job at looking out for our fellow man. There seems to be so much bickering at the little things that we refuse to see how quickly and how bad we're messing this planet up. The end of the world will probably not be a single event, but a combination of many things. We're poisoning our food supply, gobbling up resources, injecting who knows what into our food, and swallowing hundreds of pills a day. We have people that believe the rapture is a religious inevitability, so with every war/plague/natural disaster, there is a silver lining. There's countries in Africa where 33% of the people have HIV. A little asteroid hitting the pacific ocean, or a super volcano would do a tremendous amount of damage, but it most likely would probably start a chain of events where we end up killing ourselves from within. I picture a scenario of war/plague that stems from an economic failure set off from a global catastrophe.

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