10 Sports I Can't Stand to Watch

published September 24, 2009

Like most other red-blooded American males, I love sports. I love watching it, I love playing it, and I love a beer with both. But let's be honest, not all sports are fun to watch. Quite the contrary, some are simply wretchedly horrible and boring to watch. The following 10 are the most boring sports that I cannot stand to watch.

 

Honorable Mentions: Surfing (wait 2 hours, catch a wave, do stupid tricks), Baseball (My favorite sport but damn, they have to speed it up somehow), College Football (minor league football with 400 teams, and only 2 that you care about), Horse Racing (Fun only if you have money on the line), Soccer (Goals are exciting, but they rarely happen in a non-penalty situation), Pool/Billiards (Just missed)

#10 - Boxing - All the names are gone. There's no more Tyson, Holyfield, Lennox Lewis, and even De La Hoya anymore. Floyd Mayweather's return has provided a small spark, but he's such a douchebag that you have to root against him. Even with the big names, the matches are boring as hell. Two sweaty dudes with their arms up shuffling their feet, hugging, and occasionally throwing punches. If you're really lucky you can see a knockout. If you're even luckier, you can see a parachuter fall into the ring, or someone's ear get bitten off.

Now this would reinvigorate the sport, upside down boxing!

 

#9 - WNBA - There's no way to say this without sounded like a douchebag or misogynistic, but I don't watch women's sports to see hulking ugly women. Show me some women's beach volleyball or women's tennis, hell even women's figure skating. Diana Taurasi and Sue Bird are as close to attractive as you get in the WNBA. Besides that, the WNBA is just boring.

A couple reasons why women's volleyball > WNBA.

 

#8 - X-Games - You'd think something so EXXXTREME would be a must watch for anyone. The X-Games is simply boring yuppie shit. What a life of luxury someone must live in order to spend all their time dirtbiking and paying for all the hospital bills for their broken bones. And skateboarding - please. It's fun to do, but the amount of practice it takes to do a trick that doesn't look that impressive is ridiculous. Have you seen some of the competitors in interviews? Some of these tattooed yuppies are as dumb as nails. I hope it was worth it, Jeremy Lusk.

Unless this guy shoots webs like Spiderman, he's pretty much fucked.

 

#7 - Men's Figure Skating - Hey, this makes up for the having the WNBA as #9 right? Seeing a graceful man dancing and gliding through the ice with a blank smile on his face is not my ideal sport. Especially when they do some sort of awkward rock n'roll bit where they strum an air guitar, and proceed with spinning around and doing triple sokows. The only move I dig in figure skating is the backflip, and no one can front on Surya Bonali, a female figure skater. Check out her awesome backflip .

Now this is figure skating.

 

#6 - Golf - This is one of many sports on the list that is relatively fun to play. Watching it is about as fun as ripping your toenails off. It's just random golfers on random holes with random scores. Even if you gave a crap about what was going on, it's still wretchedly boring to watch. Also the damn ball is so small, you can barely see it. Hell the cameraman often can't see it. Not only that, he just shows a ball floating in the air, so you have no perspective as to where it's going to land. Maybe we should take and turn every golf course into into low cost housing.

The most difficult hole in golf.

 

#5 - Curling - Can you believe a sport that obese, balding elderly men can play, and it's in the olympics?! Curling is essentially bocci ball on ice, and people with brooms sweep the ice vigorously. It's really entertaining to watch for the first time, but when you realize that they do it over and over again, it gets old really fast. Can you name a single curling athlete or remember a single curling game? Me neither. This is not a sport, and it especially shouldn't be an olympic sport.

On your marks, get set, sweep vigorously!

 

#4 - Marathon or Long Distance Running - Unlike curling, this olympic sport actually requires athleticism and stamina. But seriously, watching people run is as unpleasant as actually running. Sure running is a useful skill, especially before bicycles and automobiles were invented. But come on, there's no points, no outs, no blocking, no fouling, no scoring, no nothing! Just a bunch of people running. What can the commentators possibly have to say. "Yep, and they're still running. Looks like someone is passing someone. And yep, they're still running." And to top it off, the winner is usually first by like 2 hours, adding an anticlimactic end to a non-climactic sport.

A picture of someone running is far too boring, so here is a picture of a gorilla riding a shark.

 

#3 - Fishing - Sometimes if you wake up early enough (or stay up late enough), you can be unlucky enough to catch a bass fishing show. They catch a bunch of fish, show it to the camera, and then throw the fish back into the water. That's it! That's the entire show! I don't know what's sadder, the torture and pain they inflict on the fish, or the fact that I don't get to eat it. Again, fishing is a ton of fun to do, but to watch? I'd rather go running.

Michelle Obama is not amused.

 

#2 - Bicycling - The Tour de France is a race that lasts 3 weeks. Yeah seriously, who's watching that. Just show people the standings at the end, and if Lance Armstrong isn't on the top 3, people don't give a shit. Speaking of Lance Armstrong, here we have a guy who did a ton of steroids in the beginning of his career, lost a nut for it, became a high paid world class athlete and married a world class singer. So kids, remember, if you want to become a world class famous athlete and date famous singer, do a ton of steroids! You may die of cancer (like 3 of Lance's friends and co-steroid abusers), but it'll be worth it!

Someone hates bicycling more than me.

 

#1 - NASCAR - How can this possibly be a sport? It's driving for hours on end, something every one of has done. Except we actually get somewhere. They just go around in circles. And what the hell is Tony Stewart doing endorsing everything in every commercial?? I don't give a damn about what Tony Stewart endorses, because he drives a friggin car for a living. The worst part is NASCAR apparently has quadrillions of fan, none of which are friends of mine (to my knowledge). I'd rather watch Lifetime all day than NASCAR. I'd even rather watch the home shopping network than NASCAR. I'd rather watch everything else on this list than watch NASCAR, and that says a lot, because all of these sports are completely unwatchable.

This picture says more about NASCAR fans than I can write with words.

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