The Best Star Wars Side Characters

published Novemver 19, 2009

This article isn't about the popular Yodas or Jabba the Hutts. This also isn't about the hated Jar Jars and the whiny young Anakins. This about those characters that showed up with very small parts, who happened to be awesome. Here are the best Stars Wars characters we barely got to know.

Sebulba - First of all, Sebulba is my favorite character's name to yell triumphantly. He also had an awesome low-growly voice and was a dickhead - and The Archnemesis appreciates dickheads in film. He was the champion pod racer and it only took the most powerful sith of all time to beat him (sure he was 6 but that's beside the point). He had a bunch of Twi'lek slaves that massaged him and walked on his hands. All in all, he was an admirable scumbag.

Lando's Co-pilot "Nien Nunb" - I guess there weren't enough Asians in the Star Wars series (except maybe the guy who says "There's too many of them!"), so they made a Korean alien. Nonetheless, he deserves partial credit for the destruction of the death star - no small feat. I've tried over and over to try to mimic his language, with no success.

This Ewok - I don't know this ewok's name though it might be "Chief Chirpa." Out of all the ewoks, this guy is as manly as they get. He shoves a spear into the face of Han Solo showing true leadership when most ewoks were tense and nervous. His adornments suggest that he has slain many foul creatures with sharp teeth. Yes, I believe that he is the Lebron James of the ewoks and would probably dominate any other ewok in any athletic activity. Unfortunately, he is no match for R2D2's electric zapper, but he shows flashes of athletic brilliance with his hops in the air while R2 zaps him.

The Guy Who Talked Shit to Vader - Talk about guts, man. This guy talks some mad shit on Vader and his so-called "Force." Unfortunately, in the Star Wars galaxy the Force is quite real and he gets choked by it. I'd like this guy to talk the same shit to any religious person on our Earth, because he sure as hell won't get choked by their god. If this guy is a bold dickhead to Vader, imagine the dickish things he'd say to inferiors.

Jabba's Laughing Minion "Salacious Crumb" - This little critter is absolutely perfect for a crime boss and the timing of his maniacal cackling is impeccable. Hell, he even manages to bite out C-3PO's eye. Anyone who ever aspires to have minions definitely needs the laughing minion, especially one with a high pitched maniacal cackle that provokes fear and hopelessness into the hearts of of his opponents.

The Sarlacc Pit - It's unknown if this being is plant or animal, but it sure likes to eat things. One thing people do not want, is to be digested by this grosteque creature over a thousand years. In Star Wars lore, there is apparently a Sarlacc pit that is kilometers wide and eats rancors. What a life, just chill, and if anything gets close grab it with your tentacle and eat it.

Aayla Secura - This blue skinned Jedi is the only babe - and jedi - to make this list. The only reason for me putting her here is that she was bangin'. Unfortunately she got blown to smithereens by the clones. Not many can pull off the blue-skinned tentacle-head look. Perhaps Liara from Mass Effect?

Admiral Ackbar - One of our first articles back in 2005 was a tribute to this great general, so it should be no shock that Admiral Ackbar is the awesomest character in all of Star Wars. I give him partial credit for our election of Barack Obama. ACKBAR - BARACK - see the resemblance in the name? They even mildly look alike and probably have the same strategy in war.

Poggle, The Archduke of the Geonosians - This old decrepit thing is the leader of all the flying critters in Episode II, and one of the coolest sounding characters in all the films. He's seen carousing with Christopher Lee and some other disreputable folk. I just basically want to hear this thing talk more.

Admiral Piett - Darth Vader has had to put up with failure after failure of Admirals, even killing a couple. Finally Piett comes along. He's methodic and knows who the boss is. Seeing Vader's suspicion on the stolen ship to Endor, his inkling was to hold them - something the other imcompetant admirals would not have thought of. His idea of increasing forward fire power so that nothing could get through was a great idea, though unfortunately ruined when some screaming dude crashed into him.

Bossk - We only catch a glimpse of this guy, but here's what we know. He's a bounty hunter and he's got a dinosaur head. Do you need anymore ingredients for badass? How about lasers? Check!

Grakchawwa - The size of the wookie king was enough make Chewbaca look like a small thin midget. Wookies have a pretty awesome reputation to begin with (like ripping arms off when they lose games), it must take quite a sensational wookie to rise to the rank of leader. Well Grakchawwa is that leader, and in one of the finer scenes in episode three, rises in defiance in front of hundreds of other wookies.

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