Articles You Will Not See on The Archnemesis

published October 10, 2009

You would know by now that The Archnemesis will have opinions on almost all topics in the world. The Archnemesis will write an article about damn near everything. I admit however, there are some things that I either know nothing about, or hate too much to ever dedicate an entire article to. These are some of those things.

Fashion - I loathe the fashion industry. Clothing is just bunch of shit to keep you from being naked, how the hell is it such a big deal? For me, fashion is Dickies pants and whatever shirt smells the least. Sometimes it'll be a bright orange Spongebob shirt with a bunch of holes. It looks a hell of a lot better than that bullshit that anorexic models wear on the catwalk. All the "Designer Brand" crap just propagates a sweatshop in Laos. Needless to say, I know just about nothing about fashion, and I'm quite proud of it. Fashion makes you stupid, and being stupid is not a goal of mine. Just look at those people who decide the 'best dressed' and the 'worst dressed' people are. Oh such anger.

Someone made thousands of dollars 'designing' these clothes.

 

Reality TV Shows - With the exception of the Joe Schmoe Show and the old Surreal Life, I avoid almost all reality TV shows like the plague. Seriously, every single profession has their own reality show by now. People that have no business becoming famous and rich are doing so. Most of the time, it's because they are being stupid bitches. Those singing and dancing shows are such primitive forms of entertainment that do little to nothing to enhance your brain. And the judges! Oh man, don't me started on those god damn judges. These shows are glorifying things like cooking, logging, digging for oil, even ice-road god damn trucking. Even as far as the nature shows, I want to see cheetahs hunting gazelle, not the god damn host talking about his 'experience.' I also want to have the person who put "House Wives of Blank" on the air to be shot.

My thoughts exactly, Simon.

 

Cars - Oh man, people sure love their cars. I like the roar of an old muscle car like anyone, but I'm not gonna have an orgasm talking about it. People always seem to ask, "What's your dream car?" My answer is, "I don't give a shit, something that drives." Almost the the whole automotive industry is crap anyways, and they deserve it. They're continually producing crap that supposed to break down sooner rather than later. You think it's profitable to produce a car that lasts forever? Of course not. Neither is it profitable to produce a gas efficient car. We know that the technology is available to make a car that can lasts forever and never uses fuel, it just won't happen. They'll make cars that have 30 miles per gallon, then 35 mpg, then 40, than 45, then 50. The capability to make the best is there, they just don't do it because it isn't profitable. Anyways, when did this blurb about how much I dislike cars turn into a rant on capitalism?

I'm not sure if this picture of a wrecked Testarossa is tragic, or awesome. Both maybe?

 

Stocks - Waah waaah waaah, I lost eleventy thousand dollars in my stocks. Stocks are just legalized gambling. People bitching about how much they lost in their stocks is worse than someone bitching about how much they lost in blackjack. But besides people bitching about their stocks annoying me, that's about all I know about stocks. The shit is boring. Look, I throw some money into mutual funds like anyone else, but if we start having a conversation about that, it only means that we've finished talking about the weather.

A picture of stocks would be boring, so here is a polar bear with a chainsaw.

 

Fantasy Sports Advice - Oh my, suddenly D&D for guys who like sports is cool. Now I like sports, hell I even like fantasy sports. But when it comes to winning your fantasy league, it comes down to three things. Luck, Injuries, and the guy who spends 20 minutes a day organizing his shit. I am not lucky, my best players always get injured, and I hate spending time organizing my team while rooting for teams that I hate. I still refuse to ever draft a Yankee. Regardless, ESPN loves to have these "Fantasy Impact" segments, and they are a pure and trifle waste of everyone's time. As far as ever seeing a Fantasy Sports article on The Archnemesis, everything I've ever had to say about Fantasy Sports I've said in this blurb.

Shocking Grasp, roll against his Touch AC to see if you do d8+3 damage.

 

How Stupid Time Magazine, Askmen.com, and Maxim Are - This should be common knowledge. Time Magazine has had gems of articles such as "Why Tall People Are Happier." Duh no shit, they're happier because they're taller, you don't need 5 pages of worthless drivel, statistics, and pretend 'journalism' to tell me that. Maxim is completely retarded. It's a magazine for college guys who have never been on a date before. It's seriously just a cosmopolitan dressed with boobs. Then's there's Askmen.com with their horrible 'slideshows' and pop-up ads. They sure make men look bad. These three products, especially the online versions are absolutely wretched. I haven't begun on the retarded Time lists. The experience is like this: Click, wait 10 seconds, #99. Click, wait 10 seconds, #98. Click, wait 10 seconds, pop up ad, try to click the close button on ad, accidentally click ad, close ad, click close button on ad, wait 10 seconds, #97.

Proof of how stupid Time Magazine can be.

 

Cooking - I admire those that can cook. Unlike the other previous subjects which I pretty much despise, I enjoy cooking. I just suck ass at it. Name the easiest thing to cook, and I have failed at it. Now once every 10 tries I do ok, but then I go to a friends barbecue and they cook shit that's better than anything I've ever tried. My theory is use garlic, onions, bacon and olive oil on everything. Besides that, taking cooking tips from me is like accepting logical arguments from a creationist.

 

Your Horoscope - I've long been against horoscopes. Astrology in general can be quite interesting, but using it to predict what the hell your day is going to be like is downright absurd. And there are only 12 signs so millions of people are having the same exact day. For an example of the absurdity, I'll show you my "Yahoo" horoscope for today.

"Feel like cooking? Or maybe just some plain old puttering around? Or spending some impromptu time with a group of friends you haven't been able to arrange a catch-up session with since Bush was president? Well, here's a thought: How about a combination of the three? The heavens are in a splendidly sociable mood, and perfectly ready to pass it all on to us mere mortals. Call it a potluck reunion -- and think of the leftovers!"

Sigh. I'll just say that it's completely wrong. My answer to all of the questions it asked were 'no'. Somewhere in Africa, a starving child with AID's who happens to be a Virgo sure the hell isn't asking to himself if he feels like cooking. I'll admit that there's an entertainment factor to some horoscopes, but you've got to be a complete moron if take them seriously.

My thoughts exactly, zodiac.

 

Jewelry - Jewelry, aka the biggest fraud ever propagated on humankind. Guess what, diamonds are common as hell. They've even found a planet completely made out of diamond. Even other precious gems are pretty damn common. To be quite honest, I think one of the most beautiful minerals is pyrite aka "Fools Gold." But most of the time, it isn't the diamond or gem we're paying for, it's the dollar amount we're paying for. A $75,000 ring is a $75,000 ring, and it doesn't matter if it's a diamond ring or a fool's gold ring, it's all about the price tag, and that sucks. I can hear it now, "How much do you think our love is worth?" I sure hope she likes pyrite.

The aforementioned diamond planet.

 

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