Us vs. Them

published May 28, 2009

(prerequisite for this article is to watch this commercial)

As the coach of team "Them," I've devised many tactics to defeat "Us," and invade their house. Sure, team "Us" looks pretty intimidating. But as I assess their strengths and weaknesses, I've found many ways to expose them. As the visiting team, it isn't necessarily easy to topple "this house," but I believe I've devised the perfect way to get through their protection.

Tactic 1 - Disrupt Rhythm - This is probably the easiest mission. The "Ba-boom boom, ba-boom boom" rhythm may seem difficult for the common man to disrupt. But simply put, all you need to do, is throw in a "Bada chica boom boom, chica boom chica boom boom." Anything simple to disrupt their rhythm can disrupt their whole game. This is a key element to invade "this house."

No, this is not the House we are talking about.

Tactic 2 - Use speed and intellect - Yes the strength of team "Us" is intimidating, but their strength is also their weakness. Their strength makes them slow and dumb. Just because they look like they can crush you with their thumb, does not mean they can catch you. Like David vs. Goliath, Achilles vs. that enormous guy, and the Eowyn vs. the Witch King - all it takes is a timely dodge, and a timely strike. Their 'house' that they claim is so protected, will topple quickly this way.

Perfect example of how smaller and quicker will defeat larger and more Chinese-er.

Tactic 3 - Take the crowd out of it - Team "Us" will be so focused on protecting "this house," that their home crowd will be very into it. To take the crowd out of it, team "Them" must strike early, and often. If at all possible, we have to keep the crowd out of it, and prevent "Us" from getting back into it. If it takes a Youkilis home-run in Yankee stadium, then that's what "Them" must do to take over "this house."

You can take the fight out of the fans, but you can't take the fans out of the... wait, yes you can!

Tactic 4 - Veteran 'dirty' tactics - Whether it takes a casual elbow to the throat, or a casual kick to the face (pictured below), veterans know what they can and cannot get away with. Team "Us" if obviously filled with strong but inexperienced players! It will not be difficult disrupt their game with an "accidental" knee to the crotch, especially if it gets a technical foul out of them!

Perfect example of a veteran play - the casual 'foot to face'.

Tactic 5 - Use their blind loyalty against them - Everyone know how overzealous protection of "this house" can lead to extreme circumstances. Security of "this house" can lead to to the "this house" destroying itself. Just look at the "Patriot Act," in the name of "Homeland Security." Oh yes. I am such a deviant coach of team "Them," that I have a mole in team "Us." This will guarentee that "This house" will not be protected. So those of you in favor of "This house," I hate to break it to you, but "Them" will prevail.

This guy, is actually on team "Them," and one of many reasons why "Us" will fail to protect "this house."

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