The 10 Ugliest Birds
published October 14, 2009
Ah, the majesty of birds. The variety of birds is astonishing, from the flightless ostriches, to the swimming penguins. The showboating of the peacock, to the speed of the hummingbird. We have sandpipers that play with waves, and owls that hoot in the night. Then we have the seedy underbelly of the bird world - the birds that are so ugly that even their mothers probably did not love them. We last brought to you the ugliest fish, and now we present the 10 ugliest birds.
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10 - Emu - It's a tough call to tell which is uglier, the emu or the ostrich. The ostrich will get some points for being larger and having more color. The emu looks almost like one of those guys with no teeth that seem like they can swallow their whole face. All in all, the emu isn't that ugly, but ugly enough to squeeze into #10. |
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9 - Pigeon - I personally like pigeons, they're just urban doves. They are for the most part undeniably ugly. Perhaps it's the coloration of their neck, which resembles an oil tanker spill on the ocean. Maybe it's the beggar mentality they sport while you're eating french fries. |
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8 - Seagull - This one isn't so much about their ugly looks as their ugly personalities. These cockroaches of the air make horrific noises, swarm over bloody carcasses, steal food from children, and poop all over your boats and cars. This is no ordinary poop either, it'll burn off paint, make people go blind, and is damn near impossible to wash off. |
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7 - Black Vulture - If there was an elephant man in the bird kingdom, this would probably be it. These vultures eat garbage and poop, but they also occasionally hunt. That is, if you count pecking the eyes out of newborn cows and eating them once they die from shock. Yes these ugly and despicable birds do that too. |
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6 - Turkey Vulture - Ok, so combine two of the ugliest birds in the world and you get another of the ugliest birds in the world. There's something obscene and disgusting about the appearance of the turkey vulture and its bald pink head. |
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5 - Greater Adjutant - This ugly ass bird makes its living sifting through our garbage. Technically this bird is part of the stork family, but between this stork and #4 on the list, who would want one of these filthy animals delivering your baby? |
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4 - Marabou Stork - Birds are supposed to have feathers, not the hair of old men. This bird is not only ugly, but it's enormous. It has a wingspan of over 10 feet long. It has earned the nickname of the "Undertaker Bird" because it looks like an undertaker from behind, and also is found scavenging dead corpses. |
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3 - Turkey - Not only one of the ugliest birds, the turkey is also the tastiest. You could fill up a ten ugliest birds list with turkeys alone. Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to become the national bird instead of the bald eagle. Imagine all those patriotic clothes with turkeys gloriously emblazoned on them. There isn't much glory for the domestic turkey, they can't fly and have been known to choke to death on rain. |
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2 - Andean Condor - One thing a lot of these ugly birds will have in common is the lack of feathers on their head. It has to do with the fact that they stick their head in the corpses of dead animals and don't want blood coagulating in their feathers. This Andean condor has some particularly ugly ridges on its head, with the only uglier bird being it's North American counterpart. |
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1 - Californian Condor - As there are only about 350 of these left, these poor glorified vultures have been protected since 1987, when there were only 22. Hopefully we succeed in restoring the population of the world's ugliest bird, because what is beauty without ugliness? |
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