5 Mysterious Creatures That Have Washed Ashore

(and what they really are)

published May 28, 2009

The human race has always been fascinated with creatures that don't actually exist. For example, Sasquatch, the Lochness Monster, Bigfoot, Unicorns, Chupacabras, and the Ducked BIlled Platypus. Sometimes creatures wash ashore that blow our minds away. Well after extensive research, I've figured out what 5 of these mysterious shore monsters actually are.

#1 - Montauk Monster - This beast was found in the shores of Montauk, New York and immediately created worldwide buzz. Some speculated this as just a decomposed cat, or a turtle without it's shell. But there were even more diabolical whispers, whispers that this is a creature created in the labs of the Plum Island Animal Disease Center. This of course is a clever cover for "The Island of Dr. Moreau," where they do horrific experiments. This one managed to escape.

What it really is - Fear not. It's just a hairless Capybara. What's that? Capybara are native to South America? Well this may be true, but if there is an evil lab doing research on animals on Plum Island, they'll need animals from all around the world, and that includes hairless capybaras.

#2 - Unknown Russian Monster - On the eastern shores of Russia, near Japan, this intriguing monster was found. Unfortunately, the authorities took it away, but not before some pictures were taken. What do they have to hide?

What it really is - Once again, fear not. This is simply a creature from another time, another place, in the age of wonder. That's right, it is a "Mystic" as featured in the movie "The Dark Crystal." Though it is very sad to see a dead mystic, take solace in the fact that somewhere, there is a dead skeksi as well.

#3 - Seaweed Beast - Found on the coast of California, this fearsome monster scared children everywhere. If they only knew the truth, they would be truly fightened. Some people say that this is the corpse of Cthulhu, while skeptics say it's just a tangled mass of seaweed.

What it really is - This carcass is horrible news for Atheists everywhere, for it is the carcass of their beloved "Flying Spaghetti Monster." That's right Atheists, your god is dead!

#4 - Tampa Bay Beach Sea Monster - While originally dismissed as a hoax or as public artwork by Juan Cabana, the truth is far more sinister of this "Dog Faced" fish monster.

What it really is - Just kidding, it's not sinister, it's just the decapitated head of a Murloc. The popular online video game "World of Warcraft" based the monster of the same name off this real life creature.

#5 - The Mexican Mermaid - This horrific monster shattered our image of a beautiful topless mermaid with wondrous shell covered supple breasts. Suddenly, drowning in the open sea doesn't sound so wonderful anymore.

What it really is - It actually is a mermaid, but the male counterpart. Much like Eastern Europeans, the females of the merfolk species are far more attractive than the males. This is probably why they are always on the lookout for bipedal males.

Bonus Hoax - Here is a picture of a supposed "Sperm whale." It is obviously a hoax perpetrated so as to instill panic of the masses. They should probably come up with a name less juvenile than "Sperm Whale," next time.

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