7 Best Countries to Name Your Son
published July 19, 2009
Last month we offered some advice as to what the best diseases are (to name your daughter). Well we don't want to leave the sons out of the conversation. Only instead of diseases, it will be what countries to name your son after. Here are the 7 names that would probably work best.
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The look of a baby boy after he pooped somewhere he wasn't supposed to poop.
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Just missed: Germany (Kind of a poor man's Jeremy), Niger (probably better off spelled Nyjer like the Washington National's center fielder), Oman (It's no O-Dogg, but it's close)
#7 - Kenya - This name works only because it can be shortened to "Ken". The capital city of Kenya however made for a nice name for Jada Pinkett Smith in the Matrix Trilogy. Well technically it's "Niobe" but it sounds an awful lot like "Nairobi." But I digress, can't you picture going to the store and buying your daughter a Kenya doll to with her Barbieya doll?
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Your son Kenya can too be a world class Street Fighter.
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#6 - Cameroon - This name is like Cameron with an extra 'O'. It's also tantalizing close to macaroon, the delectable coconut cookie. Nonetheless, this name for your firstborn son will probably sound good with your last name. Cameroon Jones.
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#5 - Benin - If your son is a little chunkier than expected, then Benin is the name for him. Ben and Benny are suitable ways to shorten it, but Benin works fine.
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"Hey man, I'm one of you."
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#4 - Israel - This is the first of the country names that people actually have. Israel kamakawiwo'ole is an example. You will run the risk of of being called Izzy, which is an asexual name. You could be an awesome rhythm guitarist of Guns'N Roses, or you can be an entirely unliked character in Grey's Anatomy (though she is hot).
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Aww I can't stay mad at her.
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#3 - Cuba - Make Fidel proud and name your son Cuba. It would be a roll of the dice as he could be an Academy award winning actor, or a crappy actor in movies like Norbit, Boat Trip and the reviled Snow Dogs.
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Cuba gets all the bitches. Why are you booing?!
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#2 - Jordan - While this is a slightly asexual name, there are far more male Jordans than female Jordans. So pay homage to one of the few middle east countries that actually cooperates with the U.S. and name your son Jordan.
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The consequences of naming your son a middle eastern country that isn't Jordan.
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#1 - Chad - If you son is the product of douchebag parents, or even just one douchebag parent, it's a safe bet to name him Chad. He'll have no choice but to grow up a douchebag with a name like that. Andy Samberg said it best in his pre SNL days, check it out here.
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The average person named Chad.
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