5 Most Awesome Shitty Beers
originally published July 27, 2005
There's few things in the world that bring me as much pleasure as cheap, shitty beer. We're talking beer here, not malt liquor, as that is a subject for another day. There's five beers that quickly come to mind. When you only have about 5 bucks and desire to get absolutely torn, these are the beers that'll save your day. Quantity over quality is something I like to live by. Some would rather have 50 ugly girlfriends than 1 hot one. For those of you that do, I present to you my favorite shitty beers.
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5. Keystone Keystone fooled me into thinking it was a good beer with it's "Bitter Beer Face" advertising campaign. A trip to the store and 14 'stones later, I realized, this is one awesome shitty beer! Cheap too! Almost too good for this list, but not quite. |
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4. Old Milwaukee Ah yes, a fantastic shitty beer made in city famous for brewing beer. Wait a second, "Proudly Brewed in Texas?!?!" A Texas beer saying it's made in Milwaukee is like an American flag made in Cambodia. Cheap. Shitty. And Awesome. |
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3. Natural Ice Nothing screams "I have no class" like a nattie. This baby is loaded with 5.9% of chemical goodness, and tastes likes an alcoholic's piss water. Not that I've ever tasted an alcoholic's piss. Really. |
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2.Pabst Blue Ribbon Many a night was spent at a bar ordering 2 dollar PBR's. Why spend 6 bucks for a friggin Jack and Coke, when PBR does the job for much cheaper! This beer is so shitty, it won a blue frickin ribbon! A blue ribbon! |
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1. Cedar Mountain This one came out of nowhere. I bought 2 twelve packs for nine bucks! It takes the cake for the cheapest beer out there. And it does so in grand fashion. This beer is for lack of a better word, putred. Perfect for large parties! After all the good shit is gone, you can count on a few cheap rancid Cedar Mountain's to keep your buzz going. I can't decide if it tastes better warm or cold. |
