July 18, 2005

"Religion vs. Mythology (and the problem with Evangelists)"

By Slappy McGee

As far as I can tell, there is one main problem with evangelists. This problem is they take books way too seriously. They've been condemning Harry Frickin Potter for God's sake (lords name is vain). They say it

Jerry Falwell wants to make sure no children have an imagination, or fun.

preaches witchcraft and black magic to our children. These people actually believe that sorcery, witches, cauldrons, fairies, dragons and the like exist? Good lord (lords name in vain)!! Harry Potter is what most people call "fiction," which is another word for "not true." But when you think about it, these people devote their whole lives to a work of fiction, this of course being "The bible." Oooooooooooh. The bible is a wondrous work of fiction, and it even has some neat stories. Let me tell you little story.

Once upon a time, the most advanced civilization on earth had a religion. They built temples, worshipped, and explained the unexplainable using their gods. These of course were the Ancient Greeks. They had many truly spectacular stories about the gods, including how they would frequently mate with humans and have "half-god" children. Even true historical events, like the sacking of Troy, has the influence of the gods. However time passed, and this religion turned into what is now known as "Mythology."

Zeus and God, both big white bearded men with famous offspring.

I find it odd that today's depiction of God looks exactly like Zeus. A big white dude with a long beard. Well today we have many people in the world who act like the ancient Greek and worship a myth. We erecttemples in the lord's name (churches), we turn historical events into stories about 'God,' we answer explain unexplainable questions with the answer "God," and we even have a story about how god mated with a human to create a half-god child.

So folks, religion is nothing but mythology. In 2 more millenia, the bible will be a helluva read, much like a book on greek mythology is a helluva read today. So these are the people who want to censor our book, ban our music, remove our video games, prolongue the horrid lives of the brain-dead etc. etc. But hey, the Evangelicals have never been wrong before, have they? Oh wait, they've been wrong on ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Anyways, I promise my next article will be funnier.

-Slappy

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